Unanswered Prayers

Tomorrow Jay and I are going in for a routine ultrasound. This one is the big one where they can tell you the sex of the baby, and yes, we want to know! I feel so very different about this ultrasound compared to Jack's. While pregnant with Jack, I somehow knew from the very beginning that he was a boy, but I desperately wanted a girl. I even wore pink to the ultrasound to try and help swing it in my favor. I was shocked when I was told that I was carrying a boy even though I had thought so since the very beginning. I just kept thinking, "Why would God give me a boy? I don't do well with trucks and sandboxes, it just wouldn't be fair to him or me.". I had always pictured having a little girl with black pigtails and brown eyes that loved books and having tea parties. Wow, was I way off from what I pictured! But, I learned that God knew exactly what I needed and sent Jack our way. It is kind of like that song about Thank God for unanswered prayers.
This pregnancy, I feel that it is a girl. Jay is hoping for a girl, I am hoping for a boy and if Jack had any understanding as to what is going on and could verbalize his wants, he would tell us he wants a 5 year old brother. One of us will be getting what we want and since I will be giving birth to it, I sure hope Jack isn't the one that wins!
I want a boy this time because of Jack. I think he needs a little brother, a partner in crime, someone to blame stuff on. I think he needs someone to wrestle with more than he needs someone trying to get him to put on make-up. Also, I kind of feel like this whole son thing is working out, why change it up? Even though I have all of those opinions, this time I have much more faith in God that he will deliver to our family exactly what we need, so boy or girl, we will trust that it will be what will fit into our family, besides our goal is for a baby and that we already know is for sure what we are having.